Advice you never asked for by someone who probably shouldn’t be providing any...
If you live in the Mid-West or Mid-Atlantic areas, there’s a good chance you had a strange weekend. For those of you outside the area who haven’t been keeping up with the weather around the nation’s capital*, some weird shit went down. Thanks to some record breaking heat, everyone in the DMV area learned what a Derecho is. Essentially, it’s a heat and humidity fueled storm that acts like a tornado if the wind doesn’t swirl. Popular accounts, including my own**, tell of a storm that appears suddenly, with little or no warning. Out of nowhere come winds as strong as 80-90 MPH. Within minutes, the rain and lightning start, followed by the massive power outages. Finally, the storm disappears after only a few minutes, as suddenly as it appeared.
*You mean Washington DC isn’t the center of the universe? Who knew?
**That’s right, I think I’m popular.
If you’ll permit me, I’m going to get sappy for a minute. I had a lot of reasons that I wanted to hold the Groomsman Games. The competition was as great, as expected. The shit-talking was epic and endless (as you can tell from the recaps and the comments, we’ll get a lot of milage out of this). However, the number one reason that I wanted to host the Games was the company. These guys have been the best of friends and it didn’t feel quite right to shortchange any of them by simply elevating one and putting the rest underneath him. Instead, the Games gave us an opportunity to share some really great times with some great friends and make memories that will last a lifetime.
Alright, that’s enough sap for one recap. Below you will find the Groomsman Games recap in superlative form:
In all of eternity, before homo sapiens walked upright, before Hercules battled the Minotaur, and after Rick Santorum pulled out of the 2012 election, it was written that Drunk Monopoly would have a champion. Not just a champion, but a champion of champions. It was written. It was written well. It was also spoken. And passed down through the ages through stories. It wasn’t physically written down, but more of in a figurative way. So it was written.
The rules are simple: There are no rules. Before you can even play, you must drink one full beer. Rudy was made to drink two. Let me also point out that the night prior to this, heavy drinking was had and heavy hangovers were in effect. With a strict 11:00am start time, tempers flared as attempted manipulation occurred to begin the game without certain (Eli) participants in attendance. All that aside, the game began smoothly, with the sweet taste of Natural Light tingling on our lips.
I’d like to start by giving credit where credit is due. The Groomsman Games concept initially entered our consciousness in a mailbag by ESPN’s Bill Simmons: