On this week’s edition of Kno Yo PO, we face our sexual confusions head on with a deep examination of the one known only, and rightfully, as “Joey Greenthumb”:
1. Which Ninja Turtle are you and why?
Joey: It’s a tough call between Donatello and Michelangelo. I do connect with Michelangelo’s free spirit, comedic relief, and crazy love for pizza, but I am not sure about his “I’m so Cali” vibe. Donatello is very much a thinker and problem solver, and seems to be very introspective, which I think is a good way to describe me. But I think the tie-breaker has to be Michelangelo’s nunchakus. So bad ass! I would fuck some dudes up with that.
The PO Life:
Eli: Joey, if you are anything it is a “party dude.” I’ve also seen what happens when you are anywhere near a pizza in “party mode.” Lets be honest though, if you busted out the nunchuks you would do more damage to yourself than any other “dudes” out there.
Mac: Sober = Donatello. Drunk = Raphael. Demanding justice left and right, being a rude dude, dropping a semi swear (“Damnnnnnnn!!!” with a zoom-out to show the full city) in a children’s movie.
Cliff: I have to counter Eli’s argument, I can see you laying waste to hordes of footmen with your nunchakus (that can’t be how that is spelled) so I think Michelangelo is the best fit.
2. If financial means/social connections weren’t an issue, how high up on the Maxim Hot 100 list could you get with?
So who are the men behind The PO Life? This secret has long been sought after by our legion of followers in their noble quest for truth and justice. However, unbeknownst to our 29 email subscribers, the editorial staff made a blood oath to contain our identities within a prism of secrecy so that society may pay tribute to the true heroes. We’re not the heroes that the world deserves, but the heroes that the world needs. Nothing less than knights. Shining.
To better get to know our writers (and finally fill out our bio pages) we’re launching a weekly segment called “Kno Yo PO” – a 10 question interview for each writer, followed by a brutal teardown of their responses by the rest of the staff.
1. Which Hogwarts house would you be in and why?
Clifford: Without a question Gryffindor. I’m adventurous, bold, and a leader… You know, like the time we were doing our senior prank and I rallied my fellow classmates with a President Thomas J. Whittmore quality speech.
The PO Life:
Alan: After a spat with a professor over the legitimacy of a Beedle the Bard story, Clifford is expelled from Hogwarts and enrolls at Durmststrang.
McCannon: Slytherin. He would have the same argument in his head with the Sorting Hat that Harry does, trying to convince it that he should be Gryffindor, but he won’t convince it. “You’d make a great Slytherin”. THE THIRST FOR POWER!
Joey: Gryffindor. But not because of any other reason except that he is a ginger. Have you ever heard of a ginger being in another house but Gryffindor? For all we know, Cliff is a long lost member of the Weasley Family.