One of my favorite sayings, one that my dad taught me at a young age, is “Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and everybody thinks the other guys stinks*.” While I find this to be absolutely true, I also find other people’s opinions to be fascinating. That is due partly to the fact that I will literally argue with anybody about anything, so when somebody offers up their opinion, I am all over them like a fat kid on cake. But it is also due to the fact that I love hearing different sides to the same story; I love the way other people’s opinions get me to rethink and reevaluate my own. I think this is true for most people; that’s why there are so many “Top 10” lists out there. You literally can find a Top 10 list for everything; Top 10 People of All Time, Top 10 Unsolved Mysteries, Top 10 Assholes, Top 10 Colleges. You can even find a Top 10 Top 10 Lists if you look hard enough.
But around here at the Po Life ain’t nobody got time for a Top 10 list, which is why we do the Friday Five. This week I bring to you, “The Top 5 Video Games of All Time.” Yes, this list has been done to death in a multitude of different fashions because, duh, the internet LOVES lists and the internet LOVES video games. But you know what? Those other lists are some shit. I looked at three different lists today and they all had the original Super Mario Brothers as the best game of all time. Are you kidding me!? Yes it was revolutionary and yes it helped save the video game industry and yes it may very well be the most influential game of all time, but the best? Shame you video game mass media; you’re better than that.
That is where the little guy (me) comes in. I have been playing video games since as long as I can remember and consider myself pretty well versed in the subject. Some of my earliest memories involve me watching my brother play Megaman 2 on the original NES while I tried to memorize the levels. Video games have literally been a backbone of my upbringing and have been a constant throughout my entire life. I am perfect for a list like this because I don’t have any sponsors, I don’t have any hidden agenda, and I am not afraid to take some risks with my list. I know you’re thinking, “Joey, you write for a blog that gets 100 views a day, I wouldn’t exactly call your work risky.” Well thank you very much ever-present fake reader, who I often invoke because I am a terribly lazy writer, you are correct. But I have made this list up in my mind in so many different iterations, constantly adjusting the list as time goes on and the more games I play. So suck it.
As for how I put together the list, I am judging my favorite games based on some nebulous criteria that are hard to really quantify: how many times have I played it? Does the game still hold up today? How immersed into the game do I get? How much FUN did I have playing the game?
So feel free to judge, comment on, commend, insult, or hate on my list. Hopefully it will get you thinking about what your favorite games are too. In descending order:
If you’ll permit me, I’m going to get sappy for a minute. I had a lot of reasons that I wanted to hold the Groomsman Games. The competition was as great, as expected. The shit-talking was epic and endless (as you can tell from the recaps and the comments, we’ll get a lot of milage out of this). However, the number one reason that I wanted to host the Games was the company. These guys have been the best of friends and it didn’t feel quite right to shortchange any of them by simply elevating one and putting the rest underneath him. Instead, the Games gave us an opportunity to share some really great times with some great friends and make memories that will last a lifetime.
Alright, that’s enough sap for one recap. Below you will find the Groomsman Games recap in superlative form:
Advice you never asked for by someone who probably shouldn’t be providing any...
Today, Blizzard Entertainment, who has perhaps the best all-time record for video game success, releases Diablo III. Not only have Diablo I and Diablo II been wildly successful, but the entire country of South Korea (not to mention Gordon Hayward) is completely obsessed with Starcraft. China even has a (ripoff) Warcraft and Starcraft theme park (article obviously to be read after checking out Gan Lulu’s boobs).
I’ve only been able to play a little of the Diablo III Beta but there are some Diablo II truisms that will certainly carry over for the third installment of the series. Below, you will find five tips for improving your Diablo game:
For the uninitiated, Diablo II is one of the greatest games in the history of video games. DII (not to be confused with D2) combines a loose plot, mindless repetition, and endless collecting into an orgy of time-wasting that can be enjoyed ad nauseam. The game was first introduced to the world and to PO in the year 2000. We got our money’s worth, playing pretty regularly for the next two years. By the time 2003 rolled around, we had conquered every hurdle and were ready to move on… or so we thought.
I’d like to start by giving credit where credit is due. The Groomsman Games concept initially entered our consciousness in a mailbag by ESPN’s Bill Simmons: