Good afternoon. I just returned from the middle of nowhere and subsequently had no knowledge of anything that happened in the news the past week – what’s your excuse? Well, I just caught myself up on a bunch of last week’s events and am bringing you a litany of information you might not have known. Read forth:
Over the past seven years I, and the rest of the greater DC metro area, have seen the Washington Natinals* make a lot of mistakes. The play on the field has, overall, been pretty terrible** but that has never really bothered me***. I would rather sit through an awful ballgame than not have a team to root for. Fans of Hartford hockey, LA football, Seattle basketball and the very few fans of the Montreal Expos can all tell you that there is nothing worse in sports than being an orphaned city. Everybody but you gets to watch the game that you love.
*They actually screwed up the spelling of their own team name. Talk about a wardrobe malfunction.
**The team has actually been terrific this year. I’m eating it up and loving every minute of it so don’t think that I don’t appreciate it. I’m all in on this squad and could write about them all day but I digress from my original point…
***After all, I’ve been comparing them to the Wizards and Redskins. It’s not like the close by Orioles have done much to make me jealous either.
Last Sunday, HBO ushered in a new program to counterbalance the vampire porn and keep us halfway interested in premium television until Game of Thrones returns in the spring. From the mind of Aaron Sorkin comes The Newsroom. Newsroom picks up where Danny Boyle left us in 2008; Jamal Malik, of Who-Wants-to-Be-a-Mumbai-Millionaire fame, lands the job of a lifetime in the demanding world of cable news blogging. Along for the ride is Jeff Daniels, who offers a captivating intro to this news saga and a refreshing perspective into the current state of America. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out yet, watch the first few minutes of the pilot episode below.
There’s certainly a lot to react to here. For one, let’s quickly break down what the three panelists reasons are for America being dubbed “the greatest country in the world”:
- Token abrasive on-air liberal woman – “Diversity and Opportunity”. Typical safe, pandering bullshit. Yawn.
- Stand-offish conservative blowhard – “Freedom and Freedom”. Typical conservative doubling-down of Constitutional catch phrases. Bullshit.
- Our protagonist – “The New York Jets”. Honestly – go fuck yourself.
I realize this show is supposed to take place in 2010 in the height of the Rex Ryan/Mark Sanchez promise of tomorrow. But he’s clearly not a Jets fan. As a lifelong Jets fan myself, I can tell you with full honesty and sincerity that the New York Jets are quite possibly the worst thing about America. They represent a bottomless pit of hopelessness and disappointment. They live in the shadow of a more prestigious, more acclaimed, more dignified franchise and only make the back page headlines whenever the New York Post writers need a proverbial punching bag.
With the Kentucky Derby and Drunk Food Derby out of the way, you’re likely clamoring for one more. So we’ll let you have another: The Home Run Derby.
As Eli stated in the rules, we each got to pick one event ourselves. They were allowed to favor the creator heavily (this one did) but they had to have at least a loose connection to the collective friendship of the group and Eli (we are all huge baseball fans).