The Five Star Wars spin-offs Disney should be making

Star Wars Han Solo

Earlier this week Disney CEO Bob Iger announced there are additional Star Wars movies being planned besides Episodes VII, VIII and IX which will each focus on a stand-alone character.

Alright so this sounds a lot like their approach to the Marvel franchise – which works – but since I’m a baleful movie critic I am not that excited. (Also, my tender inner child is still on the mend from the prequels [they’re all bad, don’t believe Joey’s apologist arguments])

Here’s what we know so far: two movies are in the works, one on Han Solo and one on Boba Fett. Ain’t It Cool News claimed one would be about Yoda but that’s apparently hearsay. (The prequels ruined Yoda anyway, so unless they’re going to delve into his adventures in Jedi afterlife I don’t care.)

Yoda Beetlejuice

The Star Wars universe is rich to explore and there’s so much you can do with it. Most importantly it’s not ours. Marvel movies have to be based on/around Earth (or alt-Earth) where they deal with boring humans and the characters have exceptional powers. Disney can focus on and include main characters in these spinoffs, but they should be actual movies and not follow the superhero formula. We also don’t need the Boba Fett movie. His mysteriousness is half of what makes him so tight and a movie would ruin that.

To limit my nerd rant and get to the point, this week’s Friday Five is a list of the next spinoff Star Wars movies Disney should concentrate on.

1. The Huttfather – The Hutts are a bunch of small time crooks when young Jaba is reluctantly pulled into the family business. After discovering a liking for the underworld Jaba’s ambition sends him and his family on the way to the top, but not without making a few enemies.

2. Cool Hand Luke – A gritty tale of life with a robotic hand where the protagonist wins over the hearts and minds of his brethren by drinking a gallon of blue milk in under and hour and not vomiting.

3. Coruscant Nights – A cryptic and very wealthy businessman wants a priceless Sith artifact from the Coruscant Museum of History and hires renowned scoundrel Lando Calrissian to get it for him. Lando needs the money to pay off a gambling debt, but soon learns there’s more to the artifact than meets the eye.

4. Alderaan Pie – Greg just graduated from high school and he’s finally worked up the nerve to approach his crush at the year-end blowout party. Before he can make his move, a strange moon appears in the sky and a panic sets in. Bruce must race to protect the girl he loves and get off Alderaan before it’s too late.

5. Shadows of the Empire – It was an awesome book. It was an awesome video game. Just turn this into a movie straight up.

Honorable mention for all you Bill Simmons fans: Teen Womprat.



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