Rap’s Resurrection: “Why Bands a Make Her Dance” is the Song that Will Save Rap Music

As the resident rap expert on staff, I feel that it is my duty to inform our dear readers from time to time about some of the masterpieces being produced in one of the most misunderstood genres of music. Rap has been much maligned since its inception some 40 years ago. Many have slandered its good name, saying that its culture promotes misogyny, drug use, and violence. Other complaints lobbed at rap include its pension for unintelligible lyrics, its lack of musical integrity, and its total disregard for lyrical cohesion. But I am here today to tell you, dear PO Life reader, that the heroes the rap game deserve are here to save the day. Juicy J, Lil Wayne, and 2 Chainz bring the rap game back to its lyrical and meaningful roots; to finally bring integrity back to the genre after Biggie and Tupac ran off to a desert island together died, Jay-Z decided to marry that succubus he calls a wife, and Outkast decided they wanted to pull a Simon and Garfunkal and break up.

This is actually the most normal picture of Juicy J I could find.

Similar to the wildly popular Fat Tony video, I am going to go through a running diary of, “Bands a Make Her Dance” by Juicy J, Weezy, and 2 Chainz. But this time, things will be a little different. There is no real video out for the song, so I am just going to dissect the lyrics to this masterpiece. The video is posted below so you can follow along with me. One rule though: I am, under no circumstances, allowed to actually look up the lyrics to the song; I am freeballing this one like Rudy on a Sunday afternoon. And like always, we will be going with the remix, because, well fuck you that’s why.

0:02 – 0: 45:

Stippers, Mike Wilbon. Bands a make her dance (x 20 or bullshit). All these chicks popping pussy, I’m just popping bands. Bands a make her dance, bands a make her dance, these chicks clappin’, and they ain’t using hands.

What does Mike Wilbon have to do with anything? Anyway, it is clear right from the start that bands, in fact, do a make her dance. And Juicy J wants to be VERY clear on that point. I am going to venture a guess here and assume that the bands he is referring to are rubber bands wrapped around large sums of money. Otherwise, his whole pyramid sort of falls apart.

0:45 – 0:58

Short hair like me alone, loose ones she don’t need it long, she starts twerkin’ when she hear her song, stripper pole her income. We get trippy and then some, it’s so nasty when she roll it. She put that ass off in my hands, I remote control it.

Let me be the first person to say, how awesome would it be to have a remote control car that was controlled by some girls butt? I would be the first person in line to buy that product. Apple get on it. I also like that Juicy J is standing up for strippers everywhere and legitimizing their career by placing it in his song. Good for you, Juice.

0:58-1:01

She give me dome when the roof gone.

I am going to isolate every single fellatio reference, and give them each a score of 1-10 on cleverness. I am going to give this one a 5. I mean, everybody loves road head, but this one doesn’t blow me away.*

1:01 – 1:14

At the K.O.D. she leave with me, she got friends, bring three, I got drugs, I got drank. Bend it over, Juicy J gon’ poke it like wet paint, you say no to ratchet pussy, Juicy J can’t.

I honestly think that that last line is my favorite in the song. Who CAN say no to ratchet pussy? I will tell you one thing, Juicy J certainly cannot. Coincidentally, neither can I. But what is the K.O.D? Kiss of Death? Kitties on Drugs? Kids, our dreams? Only Juicy J can know, and perhaps the ratchet he brought home last night.

NOT Pictured above: Juicy J and Joey G saying no.

1:14 – 1:23

Racks erruywhere, they showing racks, I’m throwing racks. In the VIP, rubber on I’m stretching that.

Is Juicy implying that he is backstage at NBA all-star weekend during the 3 points contest, inflating the rubber balls they are using, and then placing them on the racks? Interesting career choice.

1:23 – 1:29

Bitch nigga’s tipping, broke nigga’s lookin’. And it ain’t a strip club if they ain’t showing pussy.

I wasn’t aware that, “bitch nigga’s” were into tipping. Isn’t that intended to be an insult, calling somebody a bitch? Now I am officially confused.

1:29 – 1:58

Bands a make her dance, bands a make her dance, all these chicks popping pussy, I’m just popping bands. Bands a make her dance, bands a make her dance, these chicks clappin’, and they ain’t using hands. X 2

Just in case you forgot what the cause of all of the dancing was, it is bands. They a make her dance. Don’t forget next time, alright?

1:58 – 2: 13

Pop that pussy for a real nigga, pull out my black card, dats my lil nigga. Make a movie with ya bitch, Steven Spielnigga. Smoking on keish, cole, give me chills nigga.

Weezy makes his first appearance on the track, and a couple questions immediately pop up here. First of all, how does one exactly go about poppin’ ones pussy? Like a pimple? I don’t think that is a sustainable effort for anybody involved. Also, ask yourself this: do you think Steven Spielberg ever thought his name would be used like this? I mean personally, my favorite movies of his are Saving Private Ratchet, Jurassic Racks, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Bitch Nigga’s, but that’s just me.

2: 13 – 2:28

Whas your real name, and not your stripper name, I make it rain on ya, like a window pane. Bands a make her dance, toons a make her cum, hit it, from the, side, like a, motha-fuckin-bass-drum.

There is some real genius going into this by Weezy. I mean, have you ever seen a bass drum? You definitely hit it on the side. Not entirely sure how that translates to having sex with a  female, but maybe one day I’ll figure it out. Also, not really on board with the whole cartoons will make her cum. I have tried that before, and it did not work.

The two things that get girls going the most, according to Lil’ Wayne: Bugs Bunny and Bass Drums.

2:28 – 2:35

2 hoes on one fucking pole, 2 hoes on my fucking pole. I don’t tip I pay bills, bitches call me buffalo.

Why do they call you buffalo? I don’t get it. No seriously, someone explain this one to me.

2:35 – 2:42

Her stomach in, her ass out. I’m flyer than the ones they pass out. If money grow on trees, I branched out. I’m just waiting for my bitch to cash out.

Now Weezy is talking my language! I love girls with flat stomachs and big butts. Especially ones that will leave me and take half of my money when they branch out. It really is perfect.

2:42 – 3:10

Bands a make her dance, bands a make her dance, all these chicks popping pussy, I’m just popping bands. Bands a make her dance, bands a make her dance, these chicks clappin’, and they ain’t using hands. X 2

The only part you need to pay attention to this time when the chorus comes around, is at the very end. 2 CHAINZ!

3:10 – 3:22

2 chainz, 4 bracelets. Let me see that ass clap. Standing ovation. If your girl don’t swallow kids, man that hoe basin.

Our second fellatio reference of the night! Wonderful. I give this one a 3 just because I don’t know what a hoe basin is. I do like the mental image of a girl clapping her ass and giving a standing ovation. Preferably during a Yoyo Ma concert.

The only possible interpretation of hoe basin that I can come up with.

3:22 – 3:33

Got 2 bitches with me, take a shot of one hoe, use her friend for a chaser. Bands a make her busset, let me see you touch it, money talk, you ain’t got no en or discussion.  

OK, 2 Chainz is really starting to lose me here. Is he taking pictures of his friends? What is a busset? What is an en and why do I have none of them? Where can I pick one up? Just tell me 2 Chainz. It’s cool, nobody else has to know.

3:33 – 3:41

Bands a make her do it, pocket full of money. Young nigga gettin’ head while the engine running!

This is fellatio reference number 3, and probably my favorite. I give it a solid 8, based mostly off of the delivery.

3:41 – 3:55

Let me see you wiggle, do it for a real nigga. I be laughing to the bank, all you do is giggle. Ballin in my coup, call it sports car, drop the top and freak a treak that bitch just like a porn star.

Why thank you 2 Chainz, I WILL call your car, “Sports Car.” Was, “Sports Motor Vehicle” taken or something? I also really love the fact that he is treating his girls like porn stars. Every girl deep down wants to be treated like a porn star.

At this point, the song just goes into the chorus a couple more times, and the music slowly fades into the background. An excellent way to end a song now widely considered to be the apex of rap music.

So what lessons can we take from this experience? First of all, rap is officially back and respectable again. Secondly, all you need to do to get with a girl, and make her dance like a stripper, is make a lot of money and then proceed to make sure that you are poppin’ those bands at all times. Finally, all of that nonsense about rap objectifying woman and promoting misogyny is wayyyyy overblown. I would totally let my unborn daughter date Juicy J, Lil Wayne, or 2 Chainz in a second. They seem to really be stand up gentlemen.

*DO YOU GET IT!?

 

9 comments

  1. merkyll

    “2 hoes on one fucking pole, 2 hoes on my fucking pole. I don’t tip I pay bills, bitches call me buffalo.

    Why do they call you buffalo? I don’t get it. No seriously, someone explain this one to me.”

    Can’t tell if you are leveling but: Buffalo is in reference to I pay Bills. As in the Buffalo Bills.

  2. Scout-

    Wrong lyrics….
    “Short hair like me alone” is actually “Short hair like Nia Long”…..but Im too lazy to correct the rest.

  3. Please check your lyrics

    You fucked up the lyrics bad dude, its “Rich niggas” not “Bitch niggas”
    If it makes no sense, chances are you got it wrong.

  4. Tats

    He doesn’t say that “toons a make her cum” or whatever you thought you heard, he says “Tunechi make her cum” tunechi is a nickname of lil wayne’s. it was given to him by his grandmother cause he loved music and always had “tunes” on so she nicknamed him Tunechi.

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