In Case You Missed It: Shark Attacks, Hustling Harvard, Usain Bolt the GOAT?


Monday’s here! Oh man, while you were busy catching up on all the links I posted last week a lot more things happened. You should really read faster.

There’s enough shark news alone that you missed out on, nevermind the other stuff in the world. Can we seriously lay off the shark news? I think I’m terrifying Clifford over here.

You probably don’t even know 3/4 of the things I’m about to list even happened. Well, that’s what I’m here for. Here’s what you missed last week:


In last week’s Shark News: SHARK ATTACK!

Really cool photos of Great Whites. All shark news. All the time. The PO Life.

Making up quotes by Bob Dylan will cost me my job at the New Yorker, got it.

The man who hustled Harvard

American Pie actor Jason Biggs attacked by ape. Should have chosen to go up against the Shark…

Interesting beat-by-beat account by the survivors of Anders Breivik’s shooting in Norway.

The New York Times wrote an article about that Team USA Instagram pic.

Yo AJ Green, tweet me… oh, right.

700 million people lost power in India. And I thought the outages from last month’s derecho were a lot. I understand the number 700,000,000, but I have a hard time fathoming just how many people that really is. That’s 2 1/3 times the population of the United States.

Thousands of people are trapped in Aleppo, Syria, between the rebels and the government.

Voting in the US is screwed. Ra ra go my team!

Who need science anyway? Seriously, What problems has science ever solved?

Single? Pregnant? In a city? Sounds like you should answer the casting call to Single & Pregnant in the City! Be sure to move your cursor around for sparkles!

Facebook’s stock continues to tumble.

Cuba Gooding Jr. got into a “bar altercation.” Hey man, I’d be pretty upset with myself if I made Snow Dogs too.

No man, the Snickers ARE the meth crystals

Get rejected at a bar? Pee on the girl. Straight out of R. Kelly’s playbook, minus the getting rejected part because he’s, you know, R. Kelly.

WALMART SEX!

It is now a crime to tell an Italian man he “doesn’t have the balls.” Ah, machismo.

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, “biblical”?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats penguins and sharks living together… mass hysteria!

I remember when I used to get up at 4am to put on fake tan before school…

Awesome article on those awesome underwater photos from the Olympics.

Louisiana Tech’s mascot died and the vet tried to cover it up. College football: serious business.

Dennis Rodman joins the ranks of children’s book authors.

How many expensive baseball card collections are found in attics every year? Didn’t the baseball card market collapse like 15 years ago?

Andy Reid’s son was found dead at training camp. Sad.

Becoming Steven King.

Rashida Jones is absolutely my chick. Fuck Pam.

Man texts “I need to quit texting,” before driving off cliff. We almost had a Darwin award nominee.

Well-known Harrisburg DJ arrested for performing oral sex on sleeping men.

Who peed in your nachos?

NYT Technology columnist David Pogue lost, and was the reunited with, his iPhone.

Facebook has a lot of fake accounts.

Bulimia: not even once

Everyone in college football is getting paid (I mean PAID) but the players.

The Cleveland Browns were sold for over $1 BILLION. The Browns? Really?

Matt Barkley’s just the best. Right guys?

Somali comedian who made fun of Islamist militants was killed. What the fuck?

Another article about how boxing is dying in the US.

Who are the most eccentric players in baseball? #1 should be no surprise.

Miami Vice gave birth to “The 80s”

People who write online are too nice. In related news: Fuck you!

Now that I can no longer scream out for Cash Cab to pick me up, meeting Dave Chappelle is my next goal.

Where are you going, the beach? Don’t forget to bring your ski mask.

News about the new Mars mission? I’m curious. You see that? See what I did there? Damn I’m good!

Newspaper apology.

Really interesting article about why India doesn’t do well at the Olympics.

Lena Dunham, creator of Girls, writes about an ex.

Top US party schools! WOOOOOOOO!

Usain Bolt vs every 100m medalist ever.

Lithunia exposes Team USA’s weakness.

That’s it for your weak-ass word links, time for video!


In strong guy news: repping 500 lbs.


I too am ready to beat giant asses, Jerry.


I think I’ve done a couple of these things myself.


This is more in line with how we would all respond to a certain Know Yo Po question.


Maria Sharapova hits Novak Djokovic’s balls with a tennis ball. So good. So painful.


NASA control room during Curiosity landing.


Driving in Russia is crazy.


This goat is a real jerk.


The pool was too small for the elephant to join 😦


Ump ejects the music guy. Awesome.

And your Simpsons video of the week is a little late, but:

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