Alan here. Clifford was unable to do this week’s post so I’m filling in at the helm. There’s a lot I want to cover, so in lieu of the usual couple items plus commentary I’m just going to barrage you with news and hope you take something away from one of the stories.
Let’s get started:
The New York Times tackles social kissing. I recently had this issue thrust in my face (literally) when meeting a friend’s girlfriend. What I thought was a close handshake soon turned into an awkward hybrid handshake-double-kiss. She took the handshake about as awkwardly as I did the kiss, so I’m hoping our embarrassment canceled out.
Man broke into homes to watch porn. How creepy is that? I mean, who doesn’t love beating their stack (who has one)? But this is taking it just a little too far, no?
Revisiting the 2002 Under-18 USA Basketball team, captained by Melo.
Long New Yorker profile on Springsteen. This one’s for you, Rudy.
Article on shark fishing. Time to face your fear, Cliff and Eddy?
Since most of us are Redskins fans (How did that happen? We live nowhere near Washington D.C.), here’s a great RG3 story.
Speaking of lobsters, Maine has too many. Why exactly are they so expensive, again?
Gilbert Arenas is selling his house in Virginia. Don’t forget the sharks come with a $5,000/mo maintenance fee.
Bear family repeatedly breaks into human family’s home… in Bearsville, New York. What did they think was going to happen?
Massive beer spill in Maryland. I drove the length of 270 on Friday and probably would have had a conniption fit if I were caught in this.
Man is charged for feeding an alligator after it eats his hand. Hasn’t he been through enough?
Ah, the ‘ol “I’m Justin Bieber” routine. Note: success rate drops dramatically if you aren’t white.
And because 17% of my week is spent finding funny videos, I’m introducing the All New Video Segment(!) of ICYMI:
July fail compilation. Enjoy.
Monkeys love whipped cream.
USA Women’s Soccer Team does Party in the USA. Due to the video’s pixelated still and angle, I wondered how Tom DeLonge made it into the video before watching it. My apologies, Abby Wambach, you’re my chick.
Walrus Michael Jackson is here to save us.
Woman on moped vs truck. Keep watching for the replay at 0:21.
Surprise Mako shark!
Guy pranks his wife on the highway.
It’s like the Shake Weight if the Shake Weight were for your taint. At this point you shouldn’t even bother trying to disguise a sex toy.
Felix Hernandez broke A-Rod’s hand. Ouch.
And your weekly Simpsons video is:
The best of Ralph Wiggum