In Case You Missed It: The All Sports Edition

By: The POLife Staff (yeah, we call ourselves a “staff”)


In a big weekend for sports, Horse-Racing-Triple-Crown hopeful I’ll Have Another was a late scratch from the ol’ racing card when the colt, in an intensely introspective and shockingly self-aware moment, decided that a life of oats and margaritas was preferable to the cruel grind of life on the rail and said, “eff this noise – I’m retiring.” Immediately after the announcement, millions of fake Horse Racing fans asked Siri to change “Belmont Stakes” in their iPhone calendars to “dear God, anything else.”*

*In reality, like 8 million people still watched it. Your guess is as good as mine.


In a move praised by The Nixon Administration, FIFA, the estate of Al Capone, The Galactic Empire, the NYPD in the context of a buddy-cop movie, and Beelzebub, three judges declared Timothy Bradley a winner by split decision over Manny Pacquiao Saturday night. The two judges who ruled Bradley’s way defended themselves in an ESPN article; their comments were given while basking atop a Scrooge-McDuck-style pool, in between intense bouts of giggling and high-fiving each other as beautiful women dropped grapes directly into their mouths.


The Heat are on their way to their second straight NBA finals after defeating the Celtics in 7 games. After going down 3-2 to the Celtics and with everybody counting them out, LeBron James and the Heat rallied to win the last two games of the series. LeBron proved his doubters wrong with an epic, and clutch, performance in Game 6 and a strong Game 7 to carry the Heat to the Finals. The question remains as to whether LeBron will finally win his first ring after 9 years without one. As possibly the most hated athlete in the world, LeBron has everything to prove and seems to have finally turned a corner in the Celtics series. Only time will tell if he truly has that killer instinct. The man is on a mission. Quick side note, if LeBron had walked off the court like KG and Rondo after a loss like that, you would hear about it for months and people would be calling LeBron a diva. Where is all the hate for KG and Rondo? Do they get a pass because KG is a “competitor” and because Rondo is “eccentric?” Nonsense.


The Euro Cup kicked things off with the Danes stunning the Dutch, the two most-recent World Cup champions playing to a draw, a couple other good games, and everyone’s favorite Ireland team looking like dogshit in a 3-1 loss to Croatia. Not good.


Rafa Nadal won his 7th French Open, taking his overall record at the event to jawdropping 52-1. Rafa overcame Jokerman, rain, and throngs of beautiful women throwing themselves at him.

This thing really ran out of steam, huh?


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