In Case You Missed It: King Zuck Weds His Queen, Experience Beats Lob City, and The G8 Hit Chi-Town

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Priscilla’s $4,700 dress cost approximately 2.611111111111e-7% of Zuck’s net worth

Facebook continued to dominate the news this week as it turned out a company with $1 billion in profits in 2011 was worth 100x that.  Zuckerberg kicked trading off from Silicon Valley surrounded by thousands of other nerds who worship him, rather than on the floor of the NASDAQ surrounded by investment bankers who not so secretly hate him.  The stock ended its first day of trading near it’s initial selling price, much to the chagrin of institutional investors who had hoped to use their advantageous position to make a quick profit off individual investors (read suckers) caught up in facebook mania.  The stock ended up 23 cents over its initial offering price causing some to say that facebook’s IPO was a huge flop.     A day later Zuckerberg surprised guests, who thought they were attending a post IPO party, by marrying his long time girlfriend in a simple ceremony.  His new wife Priscilla was reported to have asked why Mark couldn’t even wear a tuxedo to his own wedding the day after he became worth $18 billion.  Eduardo Saverin had planned to attend until he was politely asked by America never to return.

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The San Antonio Spurs are really, really, really good. I cannot stress that enough. They have won 16 straight games, including 7 straight playoff games. Meanwhile, the other teams in the NBA are struggling to play anything that resembles good basketball and the Heat were on the verge of getting bounced from the playoffs by the Indiana Pacers. You read that correctly, the Indiana freakin’ Pacers. Reggie Miller must be smiling down from heaven right now. Reggie Miller is dead, right? The LA Kings are tearing through the NHL playoffs, decimating their opponents as an 8 seed. In other news, there is in fact a hockey team in LA named the Kings. Who knew?  And finally, the horse “I’ll Have Another” won the Preakness in amazing fashion. After winning the Kentucky Derby a few weeks before, “I’ll Have Another” will look to become only the 12th horse to win the United States Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing when he takes on the field at the Belmont Stakes in a few weeks.

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Several high profile deaths this past week.  The lockerbie bomber died in Libya somewhere, the cause of which is reported to be the shock wave from Will Smith’s slap ona Russian journalist.  Bee Gees legend Robin Gibb also passed away from liver cancer, to which his family and friends were quoted as saying, “Fuck Cancer.” Chuck Brown, gold tooth enthusiast, and Godfather of Go-Go also passed from Sepsis…  Which promped this blogger to ask what the hell sepsis was.  Finally Swamp People star Mitchell Guist died out on a boat doing what he loved, which 50 years from now would equate to most people dying surfing the internet.

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A startlingly large number of male masseuses (is that word gender neutral?) keep making allegations about John Travolta.  Strangely none of which are that he is a terrible actor.  These allegations are WAY more realistic than these.

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The NATO summit in Chicago has worked on major world issues like a cure for the flesh eating disease spreading across Europe, why SNL is coming apart just when it was getting a bit better, if we should hate Kris Humphries a bit less, and where Chen Guangcheng gets those slick shades.  In between discussing these issues Afghanistan was talked about once or twice.  According to the Washington Post the most critical issue the Afghan government and Army has is shoddy boots.  Meanwhile Leon Panetta proved he was a complete man when he told Pakistan to shove it.

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