He Got Game: Diablo II/III

Advice you never asked for by someone who probably shouldn’t be providing any...

Today, Blizzard Entertainment, who has perhaps the best all-time record for video game success, releases Diablo III. Not only have Diablo I and Diablo II been wildly successful, but the entire country of South Korea (not to mention Gordon Hayward) is completely obsessed with Starcraft. China even has a (ripoff) Warcraft and Starcraft theme park (article obviously to be read after checking out Gan Lulu’s boobs). 

Diabloe 3 Characters

My friends in Diablo 3 are way cooler than my friends in real life.

I’ve only been able to play a little of the Diablo III Beta but there are some Diablo II truisms that will certainly carry over for the third installment of the series.  Below, you will find five tips for improving your Diablo game:

1. Hoarding is for champions – Channel your inner pack rat and never throw anything away.  You can never have too much stuff and your stash can never be too full.  Collecting is really the best part of playing the game.  Every time you kill a monster, it’s like opening up a brand new pack of baseball cards.

2. One man’s trash – One key to collecting is having what someone else wants.  Even something far beneath you can make for some pretty great trade bait.  If he works hard enough, a skilled trader can turn a chipped gem into an SOJ.

3.  Run for your life – Trist Runs, Andy Runs, Tomb Runs, Meph Runs, Baal Runs, you can never run too much.  DII is the kind of game that rewards pointless and mindless repetition (it’s kind of like slot machines or high school math) so repeat away.

4. The more the merrier – Video games are kind of like working out (in at least this one way), they’re more fun if you’ve got a support structure.  Having a friend to play with keeps you going, pushes you to improve, and makes you feel like a little bit less of a complete loser.  This works great unless you’re playing a game with McCannon and he bails within the first 2 weeks.

5. You cannot kill that which has no life – The Diablo platform is the type of game that rewards persistence.  The more you play, the better you are.  I could teach my grandmother to be great at this game if she had the patience for it.  How does this help you?  My advice is to forget your job, your friends, and your significant other, and play until you can’t play anymore.  Play away my friends.

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