The Last Straw

I’m missing three weddings in the next 6 months.  Not just any weddings.  These are weddings I actually care about.  I’m not talking about, oh yah I sorta know you, and you’re throwing a big ass wedding so I’m getting an invite, I’m talking about legitimate people who matter to me.  These are all the things I’m missing because I’m deployed.

1) I’m missing Eli’s wedding (bride will go unnamed but I still ❤ you too girl).  Eli being someone I probably hate on more than anyone because I care about him so much, and I said women were bat-shit crazy right?  Oh, and also he’s an easy target and I like to bully my friends…  Side story, this one time he punched a couch so hard he broke his hand/ lost a knuckle (had no idea this was possible), while simultaneously having to use a cane because his knee was bothering him from what a doctor called “excessive inactivity.”  I can’t even detail the lengths we all went to torture him about his disabilities.  This is my 2nd super close friend to get married, and I even competed in the currently-being-discussed Groomsmen Games to be his best man, and I have to miss this thing…  Terrible.

2) B&E’s wedding…  This is a mixed ethnic marriage (MY FAVE).  She is Indian (dot not feather), beautiful, and awesome; he is insanely handsome and my complete boy.  Their engagement photos were recently posted online and were the first engagement photos I saw that didn’t make me want hang myself.  They are two of my favorite people and I can’t believe I’m going to miss their wedding.  Also, there is a small possibility (most likely I’m making this up entirely) that a famous country singer starlet who I would face a pack of rabid cyborg Velociraptors with laser beams shooting out of their eyeballs to get to meet, may be in attendance.

Just imagine a way better looking couple and elephant.

3) A high school friend and his fiance are getting married in Brazil.  Yes, I said it, Brazil.  As in the Brazil in South America…  That Brazil.  They are actually Brazilian, which means this wouldn’t have just been some destination wedding, this would have been a once in a lifetime opportunity to see how the Brazilians get down in their own country.  I love the U.S. because we have people of all cultures and areas of the world, but from my traveling experience I can tell you that people just don’t get down like they get down when they’re in their home country.

So how do I deal with this?  The way any deployed service member does…  I put it all under the category of things I had to endure to protect my country.  The whole “I don’t need a jacket, my patriotism will keep me warm,” type explanation…  And I was managing to deal with these things I was going to miss.  I have been in touch with these friends, shared emails, received my invitation for one of the weddings (have it on my board in front of my desk), and just pretty much told myself that I will have a lifetime to be friends with these people and though I’m missing a big day, it’s not the end of the world…   I was handling things pretty well until I saw this.

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?  Have you SEEN this trailer?  This movie looks insane.   This is the last straw!  You have Christian Bale doing his most annoying raspy voice, Michael Caine saying “Neva,” Anne Hathaway… well she’s Anne Hathaway, an awesome villian, that kid from Third Rock From the Sun (seriously has he aged at ALL?  That show was on like 15 years ago), and of course Morgan Freeman being a complete legend.  July 20?  So… even if it stays in theaters a crazy 2+ months…  I will most likely still miss it… argghh, Damn you GWOT!

Granted, I will probably get to see this before any of you because it will get bootlegged in Russia and there will be $1 DVDs of it being sold in the bazaar next week, but that just won’t be the same.  So when you’re at home asleep in that warm blanket of freedom provided to you by the US military, remember all the troops out there missing the opportunity to see the new Batman movie in theaters.  Don’t cry for them, just get your ticket for the midnight IMAX showing, and kick a couple drinks back in their honor before you head in with a jokeresque grin on your face



  1. Shamzo

    If it helps out I am missing McCannons birthday right now while sitting in a library going over rules over civil procedure…brutal. Although I will get to play D3 so you win there.

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