Groomsman Games Event #1: Diablo II

For the uninitiated, Diablo II is one of the greatest games in the history of video games.  DII (not to be confused with D2) combines a loose plot, mindless repetition, and endless collecting into an orgy of time-wasting that can be enjoyed ad nauseam.  The game was first introduced to the world and to PO in the year 2000.  We got our money’s worth, playing pretty regularly for the next two years.  By the time 2003 rolled around, we had conquered every hurdle and were ready to move on… or so we thought.

High school wasn’t quite this bad but it was probably closer than we’d like to admit.

In the ensuing years, Diablo II has made a roaring comeback on a nearly annual basis.  We have “brought it back” for a variety of reasons.  During high school, it provided a fun distraction during spring and winter breaks.  During college, it gave us something to do on summer vacations and when we were supposed to be studying for finals.  After graduation, it filled that awkward gap between finishing school and starting work.  Even when we were firmly entrenched in big boy jobs, DII was there for us during the doldrums of long business trips and transfers to cities with nothing fun to do.  The Groomsman Games simply gave us a new excuse to play.

The Rules:

1. Each player starts a brand new single player character in Hardcore Mode.

2. We play for exactly one hour.  At the end of that hour, each player must be out of his game with his hands in the air.

3. Players are ranked in order of experience gained in that one hour.

The Standings:

  1. Eli – 10 points
  2. McCannon – 7 points
  3. Bart – 5 points
  4. Clifford – 3 points
  5. Al – 2 points
  6. Rudy – 1 point

Testimonial from the winner – Eli: I had this competition in the bag from the start.  I have been involved in every iteration of “bringing it back” from beginning to end.  I had even brought it back with Clifford over the summer when both of us were stuck as strangers in the strange lands for work.  You may ask, “Eli, isn’t it unfair that you picked a game that gave you a huge advantage?” Sure, but it’s my competition so if you don’t like it, you can shove it.  Plus, I gave each of the other competitors a chance to rig their own competitions.

I was in first by a mile, but the battle between 2nd and 3rd place was decided when Bart decided to quit early to make sure he got out of the game in time.  This resulted in McCannon squeaking by with the tiniest of margins (for those who care, Bart would have won if he had killed one more Quill Rat in the Blood Moore).  Keep that in mind for the final standings.

Testimonial from the loser – Rudy: Here’s a newsflash: I’m not a fucking loser. Unlike Eli, McCannon, and Bart, my summers were spent chasing tail, not Tristram monsters. However, my efforts in laying pipe were about as successful as trying to find the correct Tomb of Tal Rasha without defeating the Summoner first. In other words, pointless. I spent the majority of the D2 saga rooting for someone to die so their level would be reset and I could basically do this:

Next Stop Pandemonium Fortress

Next Stop: Pandemonium Fortress

After 60 minutes of ineffective monster killing and pardoning Treehead Woodfist, I accepted my last place fate. It would be an uphill battle from here but don’t call it a comeback. After all, my name is Rudy.

Up Next-> The Poker Tournament – Event #2

Previously -> Groomsmen Games: The Rules

The Groomsmen Games is a competition between 6 gentlemen to be the best man at Eli’s upcoming wedding.  Eli wrote the rules, and was a little too pleased with himself when he came up with the slogan, “May the Best Man Win.”



  1. Pingback: Groomsman Games Event #2: Poker « The PO Life
  2. Pingback: Groomsman Games: The Rules « The PO Life
  3. Pingback: He Got Game: Diablo II/III « The PO Life
  4. Pingback: Groomsman Games: Recap « The PO Life

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